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Robert Hansson (The Horn of VGMusic Forums)
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| It rises from the grave...aaahhh, mommy!! |
[16 Dec 2007|12:50pm] |
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mood |
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 Brrr! |
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music |
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Kent - Elefanter |
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It was noted as just a very, very slight rustling. Had there been even a slight bit of wind outside, the rustling would've gone unnoticed, but as it was, it stood out clearly, as a drop of blood on a white sheet of paper. Such a fitting image, as well, considering the place where the bushes silently moved...the cemetery.
Of all places, it had to be. And on such a black, cloudy evening as well.
The warden, being out late to rake the gravel paths among the gravestones, turned his head towards the origin of the sound; it had come so timely, just in between two pulls with the rake, and therefore no sounds had been around to interrupt it, that slight rustle.
His tired gaze, slightly more alert now, looked over one of the smaller graves. Old, faded, barely even cared for, with patches of moss and weed growing across the rocks. No flowers, not even withered ones. Most probably a notable person when he had been alive...and upon his death, this notability became mirrored. Just as important he had been when he had been alive, just as unimportant he became when he drew his last breath. "Ze" were the only letters distinguishable on the coarse stone plate.
The sudden, eerie mood that had layered over the spot, however, told otherwise.
A slight moment of absolute silence passed. A silence so thick you could almost taste it.
Then, everything happened very fast. The overplayed effects that took place caused the warden to turn tails immediately, speeding away from the place, leaving the poor, defenseless rake lying on the ground. Arms emerged from the grave first - yellow, murky and skeletal, pushing the dirt away, clawing at the surface. Pulling themselves up, the butchered head was revealed, crawling with maggots and cockroaches through the gaping orifices, and covered partially with mud and moss.
Some scattered people had stopped right outside of the graveyard, gawking at the tall, lanky figure that worked itself up from its confinement. As the figure had uncovered its entire stature, it stood still for a while, with dirt and insects still dropping from its body. At first nothing more seemed to happen, but then people noticed how the figure started healing. Broken bones slowly merged, flesh and muscle tissue started to sew itself together, the facial features became visible as more dirt fell off and more muscles grew on.
Finally, the figure stood there, whole (although naked), as if he had never been dead in the first place.
His head turned, leaning slightly sideways, towards the gathered crowd, and flashed a psychotic slasher smile towards them, a smile completely devoid of everything that could be called happiness.
And then, taking a staggering step towards them, he raised his head towards the sky, letting out an inhuman shriek that were several pitches too high for a normal person to ever obtain (or hear properly).
"I'M...BAAAA-*"
Then, a clatter and a dull THUD, and the figure laid on its back, staring up towards the sky with a blank expression over his face, still grinning.
He had stepped on the rake.
And the people who stood gathered looked back at the pathetic figure lying on the raked gravel road...and their thoughts were in unison.
"Motherf!#¤£ng S£%T...it's HIM again."
And they sighed, shaking their heads in feigned pity, and left, each to their own house.
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[08 Jul 2007|03:15pm] |
Oh yeah; Imma listing some Animé I've seen as well. Italicized are recommended, bold ones are highly recommended.
Angel Sanctuary
Azumanga Daioh (Seen nineteen episodes; currently watching)
Eiken
Elfen Lied
Gravitation (Saw four episodes before I stopped :P)
Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni
Samurai Champloo (Seen ten or something episodes; have the full series)
Shuffle!
Tenjho Tenge
Tona-Gura! (Seen two episodes; have the full series)
Usagi-Chan de Cue!!
Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report (Movie)
Uhmm. I really haven't watched that much at all it seems ^_^;; I need to catch up!
EDIT: Added Elfen Lied.
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[08 Jul 2007|02:20pm] |
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mood |
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 chipper |
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music |
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Simple Plan - I Won't Be There |
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I've been meaning to do one of these happy-go-lucky entries some time, but I simply haven't had the will to do so...:P Anyway, it'll be a short one, summing up my previousities. :3
About the job: Yup, all mine now!! :D Started this Monday, and it's great fun so far. I guess my opinion'll change in time. :P But heyyy, I've got an income now. I'm hoping to stay after the summer as well. They've been really friendly towards me, although actually somewhat overestimating sometimes...:-J This Friday, I was asked to run some cable in a room to connect a pair of radiators; it was supposed to go through the roof and down the wall and under the bench and whatever. They gave me some instructions and left me off, telling me to come ask if I needed any help. Believe it or not, it went way better than I thought it would...
Time is rushing along so fast now. This September, my sister's getting married...with a guy named Robert. Geez, that oughta feel awkward. :P But he's a swell guy; he's been visiting us a few times, sometimes along with his family, and we get along very well. I'm sure he'll be able to take care of her.
Now there's only that darndest driver's license I need to get a hold of...but it'll come. Eventually it will. There's also Ida of course...but I really don't see what I could do in that matter. If she needs to figure her life out, I'll let her. The thing I'm worried about is that if someone else would nab her instead of me...
Eh, I suppose I'd get over it after a while. But still, I'd prefer not to experience that kind of pain...at all. Who'd want to? I'm human, after all.
Enough about her. It would seem that my life is actually taking a turn for the better, and that's great. If I had my license, I'd have nothing to worry about anymore. Maybe I should start looking for an apartment somewhere...
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[20 Jun 2007|09:52pm] |
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mood |
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 indescribable |
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Man, have this journal gathered some dust...okay, review of current events in short strokes.
8th of June, I graduated from school. Forever. Never ever again. Hurr hurr hurr. I have no job though; a permanent one that is. I've been searching my ass off after a job and no luck.
11th of June, I began my summer job. Summer musician. I go with one of my friends to the elderly's homes and perform music for them. Works very well, and we're very appreciated when we come. Fun times. Still got no permanent job. Ran out of antidepressants some days ago; their absence is starting to poke at me.
17th of June, still no job.
18th of June, a friend of mine tells me they're looking for electricians in a town away; he knows the owner of the company. Sixhundred miles something to the north. The offer does sound intriguing though. And I need my antidepressants. No receipt. Need them. Now.
20th of June (today), morning time. A guy calls me from YIT, electrician company in the neighbor city. They're reading application formulas and they found mine; they're hunting for workers over the summer, with a potential chance for permanent employment. Interview's tomorrow. My mind goes FUCK YES. I even mentioned I don't have a driver's license yet; they said that they have work close at hand in the city. Apparently they really want me.
So yeah...bittersweet I suppose. My insides are killing me for the moments, but hey...I might finally have gotten a job.
Let's hope my depressions doesn't kill the interview tomorrow. :p
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[27 May 2007|02:11pm] |
Yoink!
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| The joy of registry cleaners... |
[20 Apr 2007|02:20pm] |
Such a strange thing occurred to me yesterday. Apparently, there's like hundreds of freeware antivirus programs out on the net. But looking for registry cleaners, it's close to impossible to find something free.
My computer has mucked up. I have to run it without explorer.exe (meaning, no taskbar, no desktop, no folders; I have to maneuver the whole thing through Task Manager and it's extremely annoying), because it eats >99% of my system utilities. I still don't get what's causing it. I guess I know why it does so - I downloaded a crack for some PopCap games and got injected with nasty trojans on my compy. I've deleted the infection files, I've uninstalled the PopCap games in question, and I've ran every antivirus program I could get my hands on. Norton, avast!, AntiVir, AVG, even Ad-Aware in case of spyware instead of viruses.
I'm pretty sure the viruses are gone now. But explorer.exe seems fatally lost. I can't figure out what's wrong with it. I've tried everything, seriously. So I started hunting for a freeware registry cleaner to try and speed the computer up, in case that's where the problem lied. And that, I tell you, was a difficult journey.
Downloaded one recommended registry cleaner first. It found a chunk of errors, some hundred of them, but it could only fix fifteen of them and then I had to register it if I wanted to keep going. I downloaded another registry cleaner - gave the same message, but without fixing any problems at all. Getting rather frustrated, I poked in "free registry cleaner" on Google. Second result from top:
Free Registry Cleaner
www.freeregistryfix.com Safely improve PC performance and stability - Guaranteed Free Fixes
The name of the program is "Free Registry Fix". "Significantly increase your PC performance and stability ABSOLUTELY FREE!". Hell, let's give it a try!
Well, guess what?
"NO TEH TRIALZ VERSION ONLY FIX 50 ERRORS NOW JUO MUST PAY MONAY 4 FIXING TEH REST LOLOLOL"
...THE NAME OF THE FUCKING PROGRAM IS "FREE REGISTRY FIX"!!
A common thing among all "registry cleaner" webpages is that there's no way, no how, to figure out the prize. There's no information anywhere on the page. You only find out if you download the program and run a "free scan" on your computer. It's like they're afraid of spilling how much their "free" program costs. My frustration was peaking.
Finally, I found the program I was looking for - Eusing Free Registry Cleaner. I thoroughly scanned through the site to ensure how free this program actually was, and found a notice furthest down on the page.
"Free Registry Cleaner is a freeware product, this means that you can download and use it for free. Anyway we will appreciate contributions: we will use collected money to finance new development of Free Registry Cleaner."
Freeware. There's the word I wanted to hear. So finally, I was able to clean some registries on my computer.
I'll say, it didn't help much. The computer goes just slightly faster after the regcleaning, but explorer.exe is still schmucked. And I still can't figure out why. So until I get what's wrong, or until I decide to reformat this computer yet again, I'll have to run the computer without it...guhhr...
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[17 Apr 2007|09:40pm] |
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mood |
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relieved |
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A great weight has finally been lifted off my shoulders.
Yes, we're talking about her again.
At the meetings, I told myself several times. "If I don't tell her this, I'm going to explode". After the meetings, I walk up to her, and my words stock in my throat. I walk outside for a little bit and bash my head a few times, and then go back inside and confront her for real.
"Last time I do this", I assure her. "If I talk about this one more time you can slap me across the head."
Then I explain to her. I want to know if there's something about me that she doesn't like. Anything at all, that has made her change her feelings for me. I assure her that whatever it is, I can change. I can, and I will change, if she wants me to. I will do anything for her, I want to take care of her, I want to spend my life with her, and all I require is some of her love back. And I mean every word. I ask her if she doesn't even want to take the chance? To see if we still fit together? I definitely want to, I tell her. Because I love you, I tell her.
It's awkward for her, I can see it, but it's awkward for me too. Also considering the spot we were talking in wasn't exactly secluded, as people were walking in the hall and my mother came and left some tapes to me (we record the meetings on tape so my grandma can hear them also). Words of wisdom I heard once upon a time - courage isn't about not being afraid. Courage is about doing it anyways.
She tells me that she does still have troubles in life. I tell her that maybe this could take her thoughts off her troubles. It does for me, at least. But she tells me she doesn't know what has happened...she just doesn't feel the same way anymore. At least not for the moment being.
"But in the future, what could happen?" she tells me.
I nod at her. I tell her I would strongly envy whoever might capture her love. She's one in a million, and I've realized so late...
So asking if that was her final decision, she nods. Her eyes are turning reddish by the edges - she knows she's making me disappointed, and she seems sad for it as well.
"But you can still send me text messages", she assures me with a smile. "That's what friends can do, right?"
I nod again. "Then that's it for this time", I tell her, smiling back. "You take care of yourself...try to fix up those problems you have."
I then give her a slight peck on her forehead.
The conversation has ended.
Finally, finally, I could tell her what I've been meaning to do for so long. Finally, I could muster that courage. Even if I would've wanted a better outcome, I still feel I've gotten a long way, just by mastering such a thing.
And I will remain single until she either changes her mind or marries someone else...
I'm not letting her go. She's way too precious...more than I ever realized before.
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[10 Apr 2007|09:30pm] |
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mood |
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indescribable |
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I go to the meetings,
I can no longer gain joy from them.
I see her,
she's finally back,
I want to,
I cannot talk to her.
My mind struggles
Breaking free
My body wins
I turn away
I walk away
without even saying hi
I can no longer look her in the eyes.
sorry for that everyone
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[25 Mar 2007|01:12pm] |
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music |
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Fall Out Boy - XO |
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I'm about to do something pretty stupid.
Don't try to stop me.
I'll inform you better about it when it's done, so I won't have time to regret it.
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[13 Mar 2007|04:29pm] |
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mood |
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indescribable |
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My heart so emotional that people complain
They think I'm so EMO, they claim that I'm vain
But if they possessed the same pain that I do
They'd realize I don't care for them, but for you.
So humble and honest, your face is so cute
You're shy among people, but yet so astute
For years that I've known you, I just didn't get
You were the most perfect girl I'd ever met.
A man, can you trust him? Yes, what does he seek?
Does he target the strong ones, or hunt for the meek?
What qualities does he find best in a girl?
Does he want a bonding or just a quick twirl?
I give you my promise, if you will believe
You're precious to me like a midsummer eve
Not only your body, but you as a whole
I want every part - your embrace and your soul.
My courage is faltering - that doesn't matter
If I can't be with you my lifeblood will shatter
I don't want this current phase, "just being friends"
I need you in my hands, till life itself ends.
I know you have troubles in life as of now
I give you your space, but I cannot allow
The feelings you once had to wither apart
I'll never give up my one chance to your heart.
We both are so young yet - our lives lie ahead
But I'll never deny the one thing I once said
It took all my courage, but I won't see past
The three little words that I gave you at last.
So now, don't forget it, although we are young
My wording was not 'nother slip of my tongue
I'm hoping, I'm wishing, that once in our life
I'll live as your husband, and you as my wife.
Man, what has gotten into me...
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[12 Mar 2007|01:42pm] |
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mood |
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sick |
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music |
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Eiffel 65 - Living in a Bubble |
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A girl asked a boy if he thought she was pretty.
He said no.
She asked him if he would want to be with her forever.
He said no.
She then asked him, if she were to leave, would he cry?
Once again, he said no.
As she was walking away from him, tears running down her face, the boy grabbed her arm.
You're not pretty, he said. You're beautiful.
I don't want to be with you forever, he said. I need to be with you forever.
I wouldn't cry if you left me, he said. I'd perish.
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[11 Mar 2007|09:48pm] |
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mood |
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nose running, throat aching |
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stoaldr0rz3d phrum dJDrucKO (still w8in' 4 hael-burp)
D00D IPH J00 REPL1 2 MY J0URN4L
1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll challenge you to try something.
3. I'll pick a color that I associate with you.
4. I'll tell you something I like about you.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something I've always wanted to ask you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this in your journal.
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[07 Mar 2007|05:49pm] |
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mood |
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 okay |
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music |
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Fall Out Boy - Reinventing the Wheel to Run Myself Over |
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Eh.
I guess I was being a bit too optimistic about today, hehe. Still, I'm not sulky. A tad disappointed of course, but it's all right.
We've decided to just be friends, for the time being. (You know bloody damn well who I'm talking about.) We're still just kids, really. And she's got emotional problems (Remind you of anyone? We're a lot more alike than maybe even I can believe), and needs some time to sort her life out. It'd become too much for her to think about. And I understand her...so the "relationship" plans are on hold. After all, what's a relationship if only one part enjoys it?
All in all, it felt great to have this talk, at the café, over a cup of chocolate. I can finally understand her better...
Don't think I've given up on her yet though! Let's see what the future brings.
Right, driving course lesson tomorrow...my mind's been completely focused on today; I've barely had time to worry about that...
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[03 Mar 2007|11:43pm] |
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mood |
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relieved |
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Nickelback - Far Away |
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She was right here...right here, along with her family (and a few others); we were having a bonfire out on the yard and had invited some people for it...
Too many people maybe...including her little brother who requires my every bit of attention (he's fourteen dagnabbit, surely he could take care of himself for a few seconds)...
I just couldn't approach her. She had said before that she wants to talk things over with me. I had been longing for this day, a chance in so long to finally talk about matters. But I just couldn't do it. I couldn't, she couldn't. Such a perfect opportunity all wasted...
GUH
EDIT: HAHA DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCK
Actually - flip-turned events. I sms-ed her saying "guess we'll have to try some other time", and she replied back with "you know, maybe we could meet some time after school. What days are okay for you?"
We've decided to meet after school at Wednesday. Next week.
must-not-fuck-this-up-now
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[02 Mar 2007|06:00pm] |
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mood |
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 thoughtful |
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Ryuji Sasai - Night Gallery |
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I've got it.
Finally. After many, many years of thinking, I've thought out the near-perfect peace philosophy formula. It's clear, it's neutral (not tied to religion or politics), and it's very simple to understand (which makes me feel very silly for not coming up clearly with it until now). Could this attitude be implemented, many issues in the world would become solved. It's not applicable to everything, and therefore not perfect, but it covers many points available, especially ones related to attitude and crime.
Whenever you decide to act on something you deem as "right", ponder over this.
If everyone on earth acted the way you did, would the world look better? Answer this question honestly. It all depends on honesty.
If yes, supposedly you're all good. If no, there is always time to reconsider your action.
It's that simple, really.
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[28 Feb 2007|01:40pm] |
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mood |
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 nerdy |
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music |
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hammer_it_further_in (unfinished MIDI) |
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You know the Bible 82%! Wow! You are truly a student of the Bible! Some of the questions were difficult, but they didn't slow you down! You know the books, the characters, the events . . . Very impressive!
Ultimate Bible Quiz
Create MySpace Quizzes
Woot woot.
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[26 Feb 2007|08:34pm] |
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mood |
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morose |
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No motivation.
Can't do a damn thing. I just don't feel like doing stuff anymore.
Worthless.
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[20 Feb 2007|01:32pm] |
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mood |
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cold |
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A few days ago, I figured I'd experiment a bit with my medication. My current stash had run out, and I was going to check and see if I still needed the meds, so I didn't buy a new pack.
Apparently, I'm dependent on these pills for now. Yesteryesterday night, I experienced one of those nights that I had done so many times before I started taking my pills. I felt so...vulnerable. So angry, so pathetic, so completely at loss. The ideas fluttered through my head. Maybe I should walk outside and just scream. Scream until I fainted, or until someone came outside to me.
Or maybe I should dress up in something and just walk. Walk as far as I managed, walk so that nobody would ever find me again.
It took a long time until I could sleep. My dreams were haunted by images of myself, threatening a well-known person of mine with a knife, just as I have fantasized of doing so many times. I didn't feel better by an inch.
The next day, I asked my mom to drive by the drugstore and pick up my medication...
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| I have a dream... |
[17 Feb 2007|02:30pm] |
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mood |
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thoughtful |
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music |
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Nickelback - "Far Away" |
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I stand by a microphone, looking at some lyrics flashing on a screen. I've never heard the song before. Thus, my singing and modulation gets shoddy. Some verses I have to hurry, because I miscalculate the time. Some I can't sing at all; why, I don't know.
I'm in a warehouse. Someone, I don't know who, says that this song rules. "This guy totally owns my old version of the song...I wonder who he is?" I listen to the song, I recognize the lyrics I had been singing before. Realize they have been implemented into a song. Suddenly, I'm a professional singer.
I realize something else. What if it's a dream? I shun the thought. Then, I wake up. Muttering, "of course". Try to lift my right arm up above me, but can't. Maybe I've been lying funny, I think. Maybe I need to readjust to restore blood circulation.
No, it wasn't a dream. Everywhere, people recognize me. I can't remember if I had done anything else, but the song is apparently popular. Then I wake up again, cursing my dream. But no, it was no dream. And then I wake up again. Over and over.
I'm back in the warehouse. "Yes, my wife was getting the red ale", someone says. "She'll be here in a minute." I look around, noticing I'm in the drinks aisle. The shelves are stocked with beer. I don't like beer. I start looking for the red ale, to help the woman who I haven't seen yet. It's hard to find. Finally I find it, but there's only one can left. I notice among the ingredients, there's two point five grams of saffron in a can. I try to remember how many grams are required to kill you. "You can't drink that, it's too bitter", a girl says to me, but I do it anyway. It tastes sweet for being beer. It doesn't taste saffron at all. She nods at me.
I'm on a parking lot, outside a large mall, Marieberg Centrum. "I thought I was going to follow you", I tell my sister. "No, your mother is going to Örebro", she answers, "isn't that where you wanted to go?" Apparently it was.
I'm inside the warehouse. I walk towards the right; they've done some remodeling apparently. I swim past the shelves. They're filled with sex toys and magic equipment. I wonder how the clerks can sell this stuff with a straight face. I'm tempted to ask what the knots on a certain dildo are used for, but I don't.
I'm by a shelf now, where they sell wands. I take a step towards the shelf, and the wands fly out and charge for me. I take a step backwards, and they fly back into the shelf. One of them is a ring; it reminds me of a shuriken. I nab a pink staff and pull at it. It's expendable. People are looking at the shelf, people are looking at me. "They're not dangerous", someone says. "They're happy to meet people."
I'm by a pool in the same mall, in the same set of aisles. It's shallow, but people are diving into it. If you make a certain trick, you fill a certain slot. One guy makes a dive called "Scatman John". He jumps, lays down in the air as if he was lying on a surface, playboy style. He then plummets into the water. People dive into the water. I urge to dive into it too, but I don't want to get my clothes wet.
"Aren't mother in here with us?" I ask my sister. "No, they're waiting out on the parking lot", she answers. I hurry out on the parking lot. I take a train somewhere.
I remember no more. I wake up.
An oddly satisfying dream. Particularly that first part...professional singer. Man...
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